No More Resolutions...

Blue Mountain Beach, FL New Year's Day 2014

Okay.  It's here.  2014.  The year I turn 50.  The reason I started blogging in the first place.  How do I feel?

I'm still not sure.  Okay I guess.  A little bit numb about the whole thing.  The idea of New Years and all the talk of New Year's resolutions all over social media is consuming me.

Here's the thing about New Years that I've realized...we look at a year ahead of us, and there are so many things that are out of our control...out of my control.  Let's make this all about me.  I don't manage or control most of the events that affect my life....my children's actions, where they live, my income (because I'm a stay-at-home mom), my husband's job, my parent's health, someone spilling a Rt 44 slushie in my back seat....etc.  You get the picture.  Last year, as I looked ahead at 2013, I knew my son was getting married, and my other son was leaving for two years.  I had a bike...I figured I'd ride it a bit.  I knew my daughter would start high school.  I had a part-time contract job...and intended to continue working outside the home.  I never read blogs, and hadn't even thought about writing one. Fast forward a year later...yes, my son got married and I have a beautiful daughter-in-law.  Their marriage has added a wonderful dimension to our family...which I just wouldn't have believed possible in this short period of time.  My daughter is 14, and sometimes behaves that way, but many times, she still asks my opinion, thanks me for simple things, and even enjoys being with my husband and I.   I pursued employment, and was met with rejection and roadblocks.  I rode my bike over 1,000 miles last year.  My 89 year old parents are living with me for the winter, which was only a vague suggestion last year at this time. My missionary son has written emails home that I never dreamed he would pen.  Life happens all around me, like the most important, valuable, deepest, most intimate parts of my life...and usually I have absolutely no say or control over it.  I have a few ideas of what 2014 will bring...in the next couple of months.  But realistically, a year from now, I will be reflecting on the events of 2014 most of which haven't even crossed my mind yet.

With these reflections, is there any wonder that I was struggling with meaningful New Year's Resolutions?  I had pretty much decided that I wasn't making them.  And then I received an email from my cousin, with whom I have reconnected with through this blog.  She responded to my request for comments on New Year's Resolutions by emailing me directly.  (Funny, whenever I ask for input on my blog, I receive texts and emails from friends and relatives that I've been out of touch with, instead of them posting directly on the comments forum.  It's all good...I understand posting for all to see is frightening.  I'm grateful for anyone's comments, no matter how they're received.)

My cousin gave me her ideas about why Resolutions have such a negative connotation.  She said, "I stopped making them (resolutions) the day I was admitted to Huntsman Cancer Hospital for several months..." The negativity she associated with resolutions, "decision, determination, resolve and firmness of purpose" she said "are not what cancer patients could follow".  I can only imagine how out of control she felt in that moment.  My life seems inconsequential compared to hers.  Yet we both felt a frustration with "resolutions" because so much of our life is out of our control.

My cousin said that through conversations with a nurse there, she created Special Works in Progress: three month goals that can be accomplished and added to, or re-evaluated.  She said, "I found myself more calm and at ease with life thinking that I do not have to "demand" to resolve things in life.  I am no longer controlling things that I tried to before the cancer.  I am more healthy.  I stopped thinking about having liposuctions!  I stopped thinking about having Botox done on my forehead!  Right now, I am learning how to apply the right night moisturizer on my face before I go to bed.  I am learning how to apply the right kind of day moisturizer for daytime.  And I am learning how to apply the right makeup now that I'm 56 years old.  Oh I am much happier than I've ever been!"

And so, I will be determining a few Specials Works in Progress for my life...that will be re-evaluated on March 31, 2014.  I will be breaking it down in to spiritual health, physical health, and emotional health. These are goals...not demands...not resolves like solving all of life's problems.  I will share...oh boy, this is hard.  But, I promised honesty in blogging...so here it goes:

Spiritual Health:  I will be reading a passage of scripture everyday.  For me, it will be from the Book of Mormon.  I've signed up to follow a schedule posted on Instagram everyday.  I can then look up the passage from an app on my phone.  I'm sure there is something inspirational you could read each day to uplift your life.  As a result of this daily devotional, I hope to improve on God-like qualities, such as patience and unconditional love.

Physical Health:  I will not drink diet coke every day.  In the past month, I have had a diet coke 5 times, compared with probably 4-5 diet cokes a day for the past "too many to count" years.  My goal is to continue this, but I'm not saying NEVER.  I'm saying rarely.  As a result, I will drink more water. Why?  I think there's some truth to all the screaming about the artificial sweeteners, and thus, I'm not replacing it with other diet drinks.

Emotional Health:  Posting to my blog and finding a Sweet Fringe Benefit each day has improved my emotional health the past 4 months.  I will continue this.  It is still a work in progress, especially over the holidays.  I don't feel comfortable adding to this...as I don't think I have it down just yet.  There may be bigger challenges ahead as 50 approaches...gotta keep it simple.

Today's Sweet Fringe Benefit is my cousin's sweet advice and perspective.  I believe my three Special Works of Progress will enrich my life.  And I believe I can do them for three months.  Opening myself up to new ideas, and adapting them to my life can build a better me.  You might be thinking that I'm not pushing myself, or these goals are "old".  Well, if it doesn't come naturally to me...then it isn't easy.  I am a work in progress. Extended family is even more important to me now than ever. Thank you cousin!


Outfit of the Day:  Mossimo Black/Gold wool cardigan sweater, Joe Fresh pink ruffle blouse, Joe Fresh houndstooth corduroys, black riding boots, rhinestone statement necklace.

I don't think my life "being out of my control" is a bad thing.  For this season in my life, being a stay-at-home Mom has allowed me to bring my parents into my home to live this winter and assist them in that transition.  And of course, I can always do a better job controlling my reactions to the slushie spills in the back seat (ok that was several years ago, but obviously I haven't gotten over it because it still bugs me).  Ya.."Special Work in Progress"...

Nanette