One more post to help me see the sfb...

I miss my son; the one that is a missionary in Brazil.  I mentioned it in yesterday's post.  He has been on my mind so much the last few days...ever since I put his Christmas packages together.  I pulled up an old stream of text messages from him, just reading through them to feel a little closer to him.  My ipod was playing in the kitchen yesterday on "shuffle" when "I'll Be Home for Christmas" came on.  No, he won't be home for Christmas.  I won't be listening to that song this year, or next.  A woman in Brazil that lives below him sent me a message on facebook last night telling me what a fine young man he is. It was a sweet tender mercy to receive, and yet continued to pull at my mother's heart.

Harrison's 8th birthday and baptism picture

I raised my sons hoping that they would chose to be missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Did they have a choice?  Absolutely.  Is there pressure to serve missions?  Definitely.  But both my sons chose to serve missions because it was their duty as priesthood holders in the Church.  A recent article in the Deseret News (click here) was circulating on facebook titled "How Can You Go Two Years Without Seeing Your Son?"  I loved the point she made that some missionaries decide to go because of duty, but they STAY because of love.  My two sons are very different. My first son had a better understanding of why he would leave for two years than my second son.  But both of them STAYED on their missions because of their love of the people they served, and their love of God.  Understanding this does soothe my heart...in the long term.  Knowing that Harrison will return after two years and be fluent in Portugese, be more self-disciplined in study habits and a more committed student are secular benefits to him being gone.  Paying a 10% tithe of his time (20 years old, 2 years) brings spiritual blessings as well. His faith in God and his understanding of his purpose in life will be strong.  Again, I get it.  I don't need a lecture. I'm not going to murmur or complain.  I just need to work through it on my blog and move forward. 

Being 49 means I'm old enough to have one son home from a mission, and one son currently serving a mission for my church.  He is sharing a message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as serving in any way people need.  Before I turn 51, Harrison will have returned and that reunion will be sweet. When my boys were small, I wondered, I worried, if they would choose a path in their life that I believed would bring the most happiness and joy possible to them.  For the right here right now, knowing that my sons are doing (and did) exactly what I raised them to do is a Sweet Fringe Benefit of my age.  I know that being a Mom never ends.  My mother wakes up at night worrying about her adult children. Me...that's not what's waking me up at night.  (Insert nastiness...hot flash) But having a son be doing exactly what I hoped he would do...there is just nothing like that feeling. Missing and longing for him is a small price to pay for him to have this experience.  The feeling of peace I have knowing he is in God's service...I will give the two years over and over and over again.  

To my friends that are not of my faith, I'm sure there are qualities or experiences that you dreamed for your children to have.   Whether it is a certain college, or fraternity, military service, study abroad, internship, or even just the mature adult they have become, there is such great pride, relief and peace that having adult children brings.  Personally, as much as I'd love to have all my children living under one roof again, it's just not the way it's supposed to be when they grow up.  Sure, short-term stints at home for holidays, inbetween school and work, or temporary arrangements I can understand.  I'm sure you've heard this saying, but if we, as mothers, do our job well, we will be out of a job in 18 years.  

Outfit of the day:  I'm so excited for tonight!  We've been invited to see the show "We Will Rock You" at TPAC, the musical with all the music from "Queen".  I figured a heavy metal concert t-shirt would be appropriate...but since I don't own one, this will have to do.  (nod nod wink wink)   Loft beige/black trim blouse (last year) and Joe Fresh houndstooth corduroys.  Bright blue patent leather skinny belt for a little color. Emaack Designs statement necklace....so fabulous.  The cold and wind will be fierce tonight, so I'll be wearing my long wool coat over this outfit.   I didn't want to put another layer on since the coat will be bulky enough.

This is a personal blog.  A blog about the Sweet Fringe Benefits of being 49 years old.  Maybe your adult children live at home, and it's exactly what you raised them to do.  And then your Sweet Fringe Benefit is different than mine.  Or, maybe your adult children are living at home, it's not what you raised them to do, but it is what it is, and you need to find the sfb of your own situation.  Maybe be grateful that you have space for that child, or that you can have a positive influence on their life when perhaps other areas of the adult child's life isn't so positive.  When we don't see the Sweet Fringe Benefits, then we see the nasties.  

I'd rather focus on the sfb...

Nanette