Another painful realization...
First off, Merry Christmas! I do hope that this week has brought many tender moments with loved ones. I love living in the South. No one is afraid to wish each other Merry Christmas. For me, this week has been one of celebration, family, laughs, games, spiritual reflection, but most of all an acknowledgement to the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
We have had 13 people living in my house for five days now. My master bedroom is downstairs, so actually, it's not much different for me after we go to bed. But for the rest of them...there's 11 people with only two bathrooms, four girls in one bedroom, one couple on a sofa bed and a nephew on couch cushions because the air mattress went flat. Ah...the holidays...but the joy of seeing my daughter laughing, teasing, and giggling with her cousins makes me grateful that my brother was willing to travel during the holidays and be a bit (alot) uncomfortable in my home.
I have three children. That was a pretty conscious decision for my husband and I. It's not that I don't love children...I just knew my children wouldn't like what I turned in to if I needed to tend to lots of them. Not to mention....can you imagine my "spiral" cycle if I had more than three kids? Holy cow. I just can't imagine.
Ok...I'm getting to my point. I'm working through it. Because...it's been kind of a challenging day.
This morning, my sweet little niece Anna accidentally dropped a can of creme soda at the top of the stairs. It tumbled down the stairs as I watched, and when it hit the hardwood, the can split open...spewing soda on the floor, walls, picture and moulding. I exclaimed, "Oh darn it," and was probably too harsh when I told my niece that I didn't want her help cleaning it up. Several hands sprung in to action with a mop and lots of damp clothes. By the time it was cleaned up, my niece was still sobbing underneath the dining room table...and the floor and walls look like nothing had ever happened.
This evening, my other sweet little niece was bit by my neighbor's dog, that I invite into my home every day. I know this dog's limits. I know he doesn't like to be picked up or crowded...the loving has to be on his terms. In a moment of chaos as we were standing around filling our plates for a buffet dinner, my niece was on the ground singing to the dog and ended up with two puncture wounds on her cheek. I felt horrible. My neighbor was horrified. My brother was calm but concerned. My mother was ready to go home to Utah because no one was listening to her that my niece didn't need to go to the ER. And of course, my niece was crying and sobbing. Pretty much chaos. Now a couple hours later, my niece has a couple small stitches, but is calmly playing upstairs, and her parents are kindly and forgivingly saying "No one is to blame, it was an accident."
Ugh. I'm not sure if this is a Sweet Fringe Benefit...or a nasty of being 49 years old. Recognizing my own failings in both word and deed is painful. I was too quick to be frustrated with a silly can of soda being spilled. And I was too casual in bringing a dog in to my house at a time when it's overhwhelming for humans, not to mention to dogs. I think the sfb of the moment is knowing I was right...I wasn't cut out for a houseful of kids of my own. I think I would've said even more things that I regretted, and acted in ways that retrospectively disappointed to me later. But I also must recognize the "nasty" side effect of today, which is realizing that at 49 years old, with as much perspective and experience I profess to have, I still get it wrong. Ugh...painful.
Outfit of the Day: My sister gave me the blouse and sweater for Christmas. I just love it! Halogen yellow cardigan, Caslon pink polka dot blouse, both from Nordstrom. Loft deep berry corduroys, Talbots White flower statement necklace, Gold chain link bracelet (also a gift...Thanks Leslie!).
I don't think I'm giving up on changing at 49. I hope that I can improve...I hope that my behaviors in word and deed are worthy of my Christian values and of my true feelings of love for my family. I'd like to think that I'm better than I was 20 years ago...but tonight, I'm just not sure. Maybe recognizing that I still have further to go is a hint that I am making progress...
Nanette
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| My daughter and her cousin! |
I have three children. That was a pretty conscious decision for my husband and I. It's not that I don't love children...I just knew my children wouldn't like what I turned in to if I needed to tend to lots of them. Not to mention....can you imagine my "spiral" cycle if I had more than three kids? Holy cow. I just can't imagine.
Ok...I'm getting to my point. I'm working through it. Because...it's been kind of a challenging day.
This morning, my sweet little niece Anna accidentally dropped a can of creme soda at the top of the stairs. It tumbled down the stairs as I watched, and when it hit the hardwood, the can split open...spewing soda on the floor, walls, picture and moulding. I exclaimed, "Oh darn it," and was probably too harsh when I told my niece that I didn't want her help cleaning it up. Several hands sprung in to action with a mop and lots of damp clothes. By the time it was cleaned up, my niece was still sobbing underneath the dining room table...and the floor and walls look like nothing had ever happened.
This evening, my other sweet little niece was bit by my neighbor's dog, that I invite into my home every day. I know this dog's limits. I know he doesn't like to be picked up or crowded...the loving has to be on his terms. In a moment of chaos as we were standing around filling our plates for a buffet dinner, my niece was on the ground singing to the dog and ended up with two puncture wounds on her cheek. I felt horrible. My neighbor was horrified. My brother was calm but concerned. My mother was ready to go home to Utah because no one was listening to her that my niece didn't need to go to the ER. And of course, my niece was crying and sobbing. Pretty much chaos. Now a couple hours later, my niece has a couple small stitches, but is calmly playing upstairs, and her parents are kindly and forgivingly saying "No one is to blame, it was an accident."
Ugh. I'm not sure if this is a Sweet Fringe Benefit...or a nasty of being 49 years old. Recognizing my own failings in both word and deed is painful. I was too quick to be frustrated with a silly can of soda being spilled. And I was too casual in bringing a dog in to my house at a time when it's overhwhelming for humans, not to mention to dogs. I think the sfb of the moment is knowing I was right...I wasn't cut out for a houseful of kids of my own. I think I would've said even more things that I regretted, and acted in ways that retrospectively disappointed to me later. But I also must recognize the "nasty" side effect of today, which is realizing that at 49 years old, with as much perspective and experience I profess to have, I still get it wrong. Ugh...painful.
I don't think I'm giving up on changing at 49. I hope that I can improve...I hope that my behaviors in word and deed are worthy of my Christian values and of my true feelings of love for my family. I'd like to think that I'm better than I was 20 years ago...but tonight, I'm just not sure. Maybe recognizing that I still have further to go is a hint that I am making progress...
Nanette
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What is the best Sweet Fringe Benefit of your age?