I need this blog post...

So today is my son's 20th birthday.  I won't see him.  I won't talk to him.  I won't email him.  I won't text him.  But I made his birthday treat anyway.  I don't know if that was a good thing to do or not...sort of torture I think.  But in another way, therapeautic.  He is not dead.  He is serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Brazil.  I don't want him home.  I don't want him here to celebrate his birthday.  I've never been prouder of him actually.  So why have I broken in to tears several times today?  I'm having trouble figuring out my real feelings here...as well as a Sweet Fringe Benefit today.

I just remembered...I dreamed about him last night.  I dreamed I was in Brazil visiting him as a missionary.  I didn't want to wake up.  The one thought that keeps coming to me is his fingernails.  In my dream, I noticed his fingernails, and they looked great!  Like, not in a nice manicure nice.  Like...his nails looked normal.  For years, Harrison bit his fingernails down to stubs.  And in my dream...they were normal and grown out.  He is happy.  He is at peace knowing he is doing exactly what God expects him to be doing.  He is in the right place at the right time.  Of course his fingernails look good.

I've posted on my blog before about missing him.  I'm sorry that this is a repeat.  But, I promised honesty, and these are the feelings that are consuming me.  Hey...I don't struggle one day, write about a Sweet Fringe Benefit...and never struggle again.  That's not the way I work.  But I know that tomorrow will be better.

I keep thinking of all the years planning parties, breakfast in bed, treats at school, goodie bags, invitations, special family dinners and fancy dinners out, trying to make his birthday special and not get lost in the Christmas shuffle.  I'm thinking of his last birthday at home, his 18th birthday, that was hurriedly celebrated at the end of a busy Sunday.  I'm thinking of his 10th birthday, when at 7:00 am, he took his new bike for a spin in his pajamas on a cold December morning.  This is what hurts the most...not that my 20 year old isn't here to celebrate his birthday...it's that my sweet 8 year old isn't here to open his new color game boy.  Or my 2 year old isn't here for his Chuck-e-cheese birthday party. OMG...I just had a wave of panic...Chuck-e-cheese birthday party?????  Holy cow, thank heavens that's over!!!!!  Ah...I found it.

I miss my little boy.  I miss my teenage boy.  But I'm going for the Sweet Fringe Benefit of not having to put on a birthday party two weeks before Christmas!  Not at McDonald's, not at Chuck-e-cheese, not at laser-chase, not at the rodeo (ok that was pretty fun), not at Let It Shine, no sleepovers, not at the roller skating rink, not at the Climbing Gym...gosh that kid had some great birthday parties!  Believe me, I'd put the parties on all over again if I could...no matter the stress level or hassel, but you know I can't.  So I'm finding my Sweet Fringe Benefit in the one less thing I have to do this holiday season. SFB done.

Like I said, I did make his birthday treat anyway.  For about the last 10+ years, I have made the same birthday treat.  He loves ice cream, and was never a fan of cake...so I started making this Peppermint Oreo Ice cream cake for him.  I thought I'd share the recipe/instructions with you.  It's so easy!

Peppermint Oreo Ice cream Cake

Empty entire package of Oreos in to Ziploc Bag

Crush the Oreos with a rolling pin.  Spread half
the crushed oreos in a 9x9 pan.

Empty about 3/4 of the icecream tub in a bowl.
Let it soften until you can stir it to look
like soft serve ice cream.

Very carefully, spread the softened ice cream over the
crushed Oreos in the dish.  If you drop large spoonfuls
of ice cream over the oreos, and then gently spread the
spoonfuls together that usually works, keeping the
crushed oreos intact on the bottom of the dish.

Crush 4-5 candy canes in a ziploc bag with a hammer.

Top the ice cream with the rest of the crush oreos.
Sprinkle the crushed candy canes evenly over
the oreos.  Freeze for at least a couple of hours.
Remove from the freezer about 20 minutes
before you are going to serve.

Ingredients needed for a 9x9 dish:  

One package Oreos

One container Peppermint Ice cream (this BlueBell is fantastic.  Edy's is also good)

4-5 candy canes

Outfit of the Day:  Loft teal velvet blazer, Loft teal peasant style blouse, Worthington (JC Penny) Mushroom-colored textured pants, red pumps, Talbots Paisley Scarf (Thanks Leslie!) and several beautiful Emaack Designs bracelets.  I left the blouse untucked and buttoned my blazer all day.  Loved having the blouse hang out from underneath the blazer.  I think it makes the blazer a little less stuffy.  Another day in the Red Pumps...although I must admit that the Danskos come on as soon as I'm in the house.

I just want to close with a quote from my son's letter a few weeks ago.  This is why I need to stop boo-hooing...

"We baptized a couple more people this week, one of them was a 10 year old boy named Cauã. His birthday was this Sunday and he was baptized Saturday Night. I asked if his Mom was going to make him a cake or anything and he responded shyly that she doesnt have enough money to buy one. A package to make cake here is literally 1 dollar. When he said that I just about broke down, I felt a love for this kid, 10 years old, has almost nothing, but still has desires to follow Christ and is the happiest kid I think I've ever seen. He was glowing after his baptism.  After I baptized him and he gave me a huge hug, I think thats a moment when I could feel a small portion of Christ's love for us. If we can all follow the example of Cauã, and put our desires to follow Christ above every other thing, then we will have a life centered in Christ."

Ok...I'm good...no more crying.  Going to have a piece of Peppermint Oreo Ice cream Cake and celebrate the man he has become...

Nanette