Dear Ashton...
A few weeks ago I was asked to "guest post" on a young friend's blog, XO, Ashton Tilton. I've known Ashton for many years...she was a friend of my son's during high school. I enjoy reading about her mothering adventures: the good, the bad, and the tiring. Ashton is a believer in womanhood. Real womanhood. She isn't blogging about her perfect breakfast that her perfect husband cooked and brought to her on a tray with flowers while sitting in a bed that definitely didn't look like anyone had ever slept in it. She is real. She is God-fearing and God-loving.
She is way more committed to blogging than I am. I wish I had her initiative and energy to take my blog to the next level. But right now I don't. I read her blog a couple days a week...and when I read her post this morning, I knew I had to respond. This is just an excerpt from her post: (Click here for a link to the entire post.)
"Magnets thrown off the fridge. Chairs climbed on and jumped off of unsuccessfully. Chasing happened ALL (pause) DAY (pause) LONG. Toys fought over. Unintentional slaps thrown. Plugs pulled. Blinds ripped down. Couches climbed, couldn't balance, and fell off. Naps were off schedule. No one wanted their food. Reese spits her food out now and thinks it's funny. It's actually just really messy, and I hate it.
Yesterday I was dying to be done. I wanted a break. I wanted Todd to come home, so I could throw the responsibility on him. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for days. I had no desire to be cordial, friendly, or happy. I was in a pretty icky mood. It was just one of those days, ya feel me?
Today I thought a lot about how different my life is now that I'm a mom. Not to toot my own horn because I'm not, it's just the facts for any mom out there...but I sacrifice a lot to be a mom. You sacrifice your body, your time, your entire life. Sometimes you sacrifice your desires and your goals.
For those who don't know, I can be a little OCD sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist, but when I want something to get done, I NEED it to get done. Sometimes I rush through it just so that I can say it's finished. One more thing checked off the list! I've been trying to find the balance. Trying oh so hard. And I think I need to just let it go. I need to let go of this constant to-do list. I need to free myself of that because it's driving me crazy folks. Fuh-reaking cuh-razy.
So here's where I need your help. What works for you? Gimme the knitty-gritty details. Seriously though. This is suuurious business."
I read this and the first thought that came to my mind was "I'm so glad I'm 50!!!!!!" Man, she is in a tiring stage. But then my thoughts began to swirl, and I thought I needed to impart some of what I've learned in the past 25 years since I was her age.
1. Don't let go of the constant to-do list. Just let go of the expectation that everything should be crossed off the list at the end of the day.
2. I applaud you for babysitting a friend's baby. Young mommas need to look out for each other and help one another. It took me a LONG time to realize that babysitting other people's children was not a talent/gift I was given. It's not that kids weren't safe, or well cared for. But, I am way better making a meal, bringing a gift, sharing a burden and being a cheerleader. We have all been given different talents which we need to use to be instruments in the Lord's hands. We are our sister's keeper. But our sister has many different needs. Don't try to use an "instrument" that the Lord hasn't blessed you with. Yes, sometimes it's necessary to serve in ways that we aren't the "best". But don't beat yourself up over it.
3. The sooner you realize it doesn't get better, the better it'll get. Let me explain. Your little Reese is a delight. Her big bright eyes and chubby little legs (can I say that?) are just delicious. Yup, she spits out her food. But guess what, one day she's going to be mad at you because you won't buy her an iPhone. She's going to tell you she cleaned her room and take off with a friend, all for you to realize that NOTHING in her room has changed since you asked her to clean it. One day that to-do list you have...is going to be filled with a plethora of items that you didn't put on there. But she (and her siblings) did. A bank deposit for the cheer team. 4-hours in the car every afternoon for music lessons, sports and tutoring. Live in the moment...and if the moment is making you nutty, know that it's a moment, and it's going to change.
4. Keep being honest about your feelings. It's so healthy. Granted, I think I probably hang my dirty laundry out to dry a little too often? If you have dirty dishes in your sink, let your friends see them. And realize that others are NOT always who they seem to be. A lot of gals don't have the courage to be real. It's ok. Don't let that get to you...and make you think you are less of a Mom, a wife, or a woman. Just be Ashton.
5. I have another quote to share from your favorite man, Gordon B. Hinckley. But let me explain. I'm not advocating for mediocrity. And I don't think he was either. I think (really, I know) that he had a pretty great understanding of this earthly life and where we are going from here to eternity. When I read this quote...and I do often, because it sits on my kitchen counter, I think, "Man, the pressure if OFF!" Breathe. Relax. Enjoy the ride.
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that she has been robbed. The fact is, that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey...delays...sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
Today's Sweet Fringe Benefit is the details of XO, Ashton Tilton's blog post. Man, it made me tired just reading about her day. It is exhausting being a mom of young children. I still remember those days. Sometimes seeing where I've been helps me appreciate where I am today. It just all is going so fast. Overall I mean. As I watched the children's program at church today, the tears streamed down my cheeks. Partially because I missed my little children. I miss their sweet hugs. Their innocence. Their waves during the program. And the other part was the lesson the spirit taught me...that children are a gift. No matter their age. Family is about as close to Heaven as we can get here on this earth.
Outfit of the Day: Loft white cotton cardigan, Ann Taylor beige/white polka dot blouse, Ann Taylor black, beige and white pencil skirt, Banana Republic statement necklace, Cole Haan black sandals. I love the mix of the polka dot patterns in the blouse and the skirt.
Thanks Ashton for reminding us more mature Mommas what it's really like...
Nanette
She is way more committed to blogging than I am. I wish I had her initiative and energy to take my blog to the next level. But right now I don't. I read her blog a couple days a week...and when I read her post this morning, I knew I had to respond. This is just an excerpt from her post: (Click here for a link to the entire post.)
"Magnets thrown off the fridge. Chairs climbed on and jumped off of unsuccessfully. Chasing happened ALL (pause) DAY (pause) LONG. Toys fought over. Unintentional slaps thrown. Plugs pulled. Blinds ripped down. Couches climbed, couldn't balance, and fell off. Naps were off schedule. No one wanted their food. Reese spits her food out now and thinks it's funny. It's actually just really messy, and I hate it.
Yesterday I was dying to be done. I wanted a break. I wanted Todd to come home, so I could throw the responsibility on him. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for days. I had no desire to be cordial, friendly, or happy. I was in a pretty icky mood. It was just one of those days, ya feel me?
Today I thought a lot about how different my life is now that I'm a mom. Not to toot my own horn because I'm not, it's just the facts for any mom out there...but I sacrifice a lot to be a mom. You sacrifice your body, your time, your entire life. Sometimes you sacrifice your desires and your goals.
For those who don't know, I can be a little OCD sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist, but when I want something to get done, I NEED it to get done. Sometimes I rush through it just so that I can say it's finished. One more thing checked off the list! I've been trying to find the balance. Trying oh so hard. And I think I need to just let it go. I need to let go of this constant to-do list. I need to free myself of that because it's driving me crazy folks. Fuh-reaking cuh-razy.
So here's where I need your help. What works for you? Gimme the knitty-gritty details. Seriously though. This is suuurious business."
I read this and the first thought that came to my mind was "I'm so glad I'm 50!!!!!!" Man, she is in a tiring stage. But then my thoughts began to swirl, and I thought I needed to impart some of what I've learned in the past 25 years since I was her age.
1. Don't let go of the constant to-do list. Just let go of the expectation that everything should be crossed off the list at the end of the day.
2. I applaud you for babysitting a friend's baby. Young mommas need to look out for each other and help one another. It took me a LONG time to realize that babysitting other people's children was not a talent/gift I was given. It's not that kids weren't safe, or well cared for. But, I am way better making a meal, bringing a gift, sharing a burden and being a cheerleader. We have all been given different talents which we need to use to be instruments in the Lord's hands. We are our sister's keeper. But our sister has many different needs. Don't try to use an "instrument" that the Lord hasn't blessed you with. Yes, sometimes it's necessary to serve in ways that we aren't the "best". But don't beat yourself up over it.
3. The sooner you realize it doesn't get better, the better it'll get. Let me explain. Your little Reese is a delight. Her big bright eyes and chubby little legs (can I say that?) are just delicious. Yup, she spits out her food. But guess what, one day she's going to be mad at you because you won't buy her an iPhone. She's going to tell you she cleaned her room and take off with a friend, all for you to realize that NOTHING in her room has changed since you asked her to clean it. One day that to-do list you have...is going to be filled with a plethora of items that you didn't put on there. But she (and her siblings) did. A bank deposit for the cheer team. 4-hours in the car every afternoon for music lessons, sports and tutoring. Live in the moment...and if the moment is making you nutty, know that it's a moment, and it's going to change.
4. Keep being honest about your feelings. It's so healthy. Granted, I think I probably hang my dirty laundry out to dry a little too often? If you have dirty dishes in your sink, let your friends see them. And realize that others are NOT always who they seem to be. A lot of gals don't have the courage to be real. It's ok. Don't let that get to you...and make you think you are less of a Mom, a wife, or a woman. Just be Ashton.
5. I have another quote to share from your favorite man, Gordon B. Hinckley. But let me explain. I'm not advocating for mediocrity. And I don't think he was either. I think (really, I know) that he had a pretty great understanding of this earthly life and where we are going from here to eternity. When I read this quote...and I do often, because it sits on my kitchen counter, I think, "Man, the pressure if OFF!" Breathe. Relax. Enjoy the ride.
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that she has been robbed. The fact is, that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey...delays...sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
Today's Sweet Fringe Benefit is the details of XO, Ashton Tilton's blog post. Man, it made me tired just reading about her day. It is exhausting being a mom of young children. I still remember those days. Sometimes seeing where I've been helps me appreciate where I am today. It just all is going so fast. Overall I mean. As I watched the children's program at church today, the tears streamed down my cheeks. Partially because I missed my little children. I miss their sweet hugs. Their innocence. Their waves during the program. And the other part was the lesson the spirit taught me...that children are a gift. No matter their age. Family is about as close to Heaven as we can get here on this earth.
Thanks Ashton for reminding us more mature Mommas what it's really like...
Nanette
Love this post! Love the wisdom..even after all of these years of raising kids, I still need to hear this! Love you, my friend!!
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