A heart like the Grinch...

I have experienced so many emotions over the past couple of days.  My feelings have been too tender to even think about posting to my blog.  Really, its all been a bit overwhelming.  But I'm going to start with admitting that I was wrong, and everyone else was right...

My Grandson was born very late Wednesday night, September 10th.  He had a rough start and is actually still in the NICU.  The first 5 hours of his little life I was pretty much in the dark about what was going on with him.  When my son finally called and gave me details of his pneumothorax and air-extraction-with-a-needle procedure (I have no idea what the medical term is for that) and that he had been admitted to the NICU and was still on cpap, it was 5 am my time.  And although I had feelings of worry and nervousness, I was blessed with a tender mercy from God.

As I looked at the first pictures of the little guy, I felt the windows of Heaven open, and I could see and feel, just for moment, the slightest second...the purpose of life, and was given an understanding that this is exactly the joy that my Father in Heaven wants me to feel.  I knew in that very moment, that life will go on, that my life will go on, and that my life has not been in vain.  Families are indeed a forever unit, and were divinely created to be so.

Wow.  That's a lot to get in a nanno-second.  But that's about the best words I can use to describe my feelings of becoming a Grandmother.  It was in that moment that I realized it didn't matter what I was called, what I looked like, whether I had a muffin top, or could ride 100 miles.  Unfortunately, I couldn't bottle the feeling, I can't freeze it to thaw on another day when I don't quite get it.  But it was real.  A true tender mercy for which I am grateful.

I had to wait another 24 hours to meet my sweet grandbaby.  But when I did...oh my heart.  I swear I felt like the Grinch when he heard Whoville singing...it just swelled!  All day Friday, even though it was filled with positive and negative medical updates, I just kept thinking...I LOVE THIS BABY!  And I realized how wrong I was to worry so much.  I realized how wrong I was to even consider that this baby wasn't a good idea.  Babies are always a gift.  A joy.  No matter the timing.  Seeing my son and his wife work through situations that I have never even come close to experiencing, I realized I was wrong.  They are ready for this baby.  They will be just fine...more than fine...FANTASTIC!

I love learning life lessons...and actually, I love being proven that I was wrong (even if it is painful sometimes).  Especially when I learn it for myself.  I want to always be humble enough to admit that I had it wrong.  I'm not sure if this is an sfb of being 50, but in my life, I had to be 50 to learn this lesson.  So for today, being wrong is my Sweet Fringe Benefit.  I am really happy about it.  I know I'll have folks telling me "I told you so."  You can if you want.  I guess I deserve it.

One thing I was right about...I've only been away from him for 12 hours and my heart is breaking...it's hurting...but it's worth it.  I am reminded of one of my earliest blog posts "Tis Better to Have Loved...", because this is just part of the package deal you get when you love someone.  The love always outweighs the ache.

Outfits of the Day:  Just going to link a couple of pictures.  It seems pretty trivial in this moment what I've been wearing the last several days.  

And if you want to say an extra prayer for my Sweet little Grandson and his Mom and Dad, that'd be great too.  Pray for good health, healing, and enlightened Doctors...thank you!

Nanette